If I have been asked that question once in the past six months, I think I have been asked a thousand times. People have asked it with the best of intentions, but my first thoughts when asked that question are "Would you be excited? Would you want to leave all of your friends and family and everything that you know and love and move to a new country where you know and understand nothing? No, I don't think so. So, quit asking me ignorant questions." Note that I said that was my initial thought, not necessarily my response. Instead, I usually respond with a really weak "Yeah, yeah, it should be interesting" or something along those lines.
I think for a long time I wondered what was wrong with me because I didn't feel "excited" and people kept asking me that question as if it were an absolutely inherent emotion attached to moving to a foreign country. But, after some heart searching, I realized maybe "excited" wasn't necessarily the emotion I wanted to feel anyway. Although I wouldn't use the term "excited" I did (and do) feel a calm, sure, peace about what I feel the Father has led me to do.
At the risk of sounding too pessimistic, I know that these two years will most likely be the most challenging years of my piddly 26 year life up to this point (does it really get more challenging than teaching high school students?). I know that there are going to be days when I want to be anywhere but Africa and when I probably won't like anything about the country where I will be living. I know there are going to be days when I think I might scream if I have to hear one more person speak a language I don't understand or if I have to eat one more meal that I am not really sure I will be able to stomach. There will be days when I just want to be back in America, sitting at my parent's table eating my mama's cornbread and living the "American Dream." However, with all of that said, I also know that the Father's hand has been sure on my journey to this point and will continue to be as I leave to go. Although I may not use the term "excited" to describe my emotions at this point, that doesn't change the certainty of what I am called to do or my desire to follow my Father down this new path.
Excited? Not necessarily. Ready and willing to follow the Father's leading? More like it.
I totally understand how you feel, It is very hard not to get annoyed by the questions people ask. Sometimes it feels like they have not thoroughly thought through their questions it is simply a reaction to what I have just unloaded on them....they want to ask " are you scared/nervous?" but instead the word that comes out is excited? If they truly understood what we were about to embark on then they would simply say " I will be praying for you" and mean it! I miss you friend!
ReplyDeleteNot that I have any experience with... well anything... but I think that what you're feeling is totally healthy. I'm glad to hear that you at least feel peace with it. I'm thinking about you... like how I'm using my safe language haha. :)
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